The Participation Award

joemande:

It’s a little hard to read, but don’t worry, I’ve transcribed Leila’s candy poem to Jose Canseco in its entirety: 

“I’ve spent many nights looking at the MILKY WAY watching the STARBURST ORIGINAL thinking about my BIG HUNK my LIFE SAVERS GUMMIES. Weve been down a ROCKY ROAD sometimes youre a LEMONHEAD a WONKA NERDS a NUTJOB And a SMARTIES. But you’re still my BIT-O-HONEY And I’ll be your little SWEETARTS if you’ll stay my SUGAR BABIES and my SUGAR DADDY and I’ll love you to REESE’S PIECES. Now let’s take a REESE’S FAST BREAK and get REESE’S NUTRAGEOUS I’ve been wanting to SKOR and I want it GOOD & PLENTY Don’t ask for any AIR HEADS or a BLOW POP just break out your HOT TAMALES FIRE (if you’re into PRETZEL M&M’S) and stick your HOSTESS DING DONGS in my KIT KAT DARK I’ll shake my WONKA LAFFY TAFFY and make you yell ‘Oh BABY RUTH.’

I’ve been missing your MR. GOODBAR he makes me scream OH HENRY (oops I mean Jose). My MOUNDS are RED HOTS waiting for your WHATCHAMACALLIT KING SIZE I know it’s a WHOPPERS THE ORIGINAL MALTED MILK BALLS and it brings me ALMOND JOY.

P.S. I have a confession, I’m real glad it’s PAYDAY cause I went on a WONKA CHEWY SPREE MIXED BERRY I spent 100 GRAND and now your account is at ZERO.

I love you SWEETHEARTS. HERSHEY KISSES, XoXoXo Leila”